so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
