I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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