You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Acid is not a monday night drug
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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