We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you had me at cake vodka
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
