I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
