so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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