They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
