Pappa wants mamma naked
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize