shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
