it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
