I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
