we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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