Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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