Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i now understand why vodka
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
