i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
