Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
