and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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