is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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