Got a toothbrush?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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