I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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