like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
