I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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