Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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