I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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