wakey wakey hands off snakey
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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