I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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