I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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