Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
