I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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