so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize