Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
tell me about the fingering
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