Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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