I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
