Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
there's paper in my vomit.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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