My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
