i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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