Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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