Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
