Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
