I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
