what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We named our party play list daddy issues
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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