she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
