Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize