Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
