i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
