I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
