Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
