The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
