Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
