I've blown a few things in my day
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
