dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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