She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
