apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
