How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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