I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So much Jack, so little girl.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
