We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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