Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
