In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
