I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
