you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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