My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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