Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
