i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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