how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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