please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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