the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
